


Cat troubles

by angelsbow



Series: FE rarepair week [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, felix vs a cat basically, sylvain briefly appears in this. caspar also gets mentioned but they're not really important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 11:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20853044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsbow/pseuds/angelsbow
Summary: Ashe and Felix end up keeping a cat together that Ashe found, however it does not seem to like Felix at all.Written for FE rarepair week day 3. Prompt: cats





	Cat troubles

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon that felix takes longs naps like, if he naps he PASSES tf out. (felix voice) what the fuck is a power nap bitch im gonna k
> 
> But anyways. A quick shout out to my lovely friend who helped me a bit with this idea! I mean this is already based off something we talked about together but well. she helped me flesh out the idea more (fun fact: this was meant to be longer but then I was like ah fuck i have other things to write)! This is beyond ridiculous. I hope this brings as much entertainment for everyone else as it did to me

He sneezed.

Felix felt something fluffy brush against his nose. As soon as he opened his eyes, a black and white cat was staring straight at him. He blinked again, and the cat was still there, staring at him with its big eyes. 

Felix shifted his gaze back to his lap. He somehow managed to fall asleep while writing. The clock on his laptop displayed the time as 7:04PM, which meant he has slept for six hours. He must have been more exhausted than he thought he would be after staying up till 4AM to finish an assignment, and then running off to his 7:30AM class. Truly, who the hell teaches a 7:30AM class willingly. He silently cursed himself for wasting the whole day by sleeping. 

Felix glanced back at the cat. It was still there, staring at him. Why was there a cat in front of him. 

"Ashe," he called out to his boyfriend. He should be home by this point. 

"Yea?" Ashe responded to him.

"Since when did we have a cat," Felix questioned Ashe. He does not remember signing any adoption papers for a cat. Or buying a cat from a pet store. 

"Oh! Um. Since today. I meant to talk about it with you, but you were sleeping when I got back," Ashe told him. 

"And...we're keeping it?" Felix eyed Ashe. He didn't particularly have a problem with keeping a cat, but god knows where it came from. They were both college students-- it could be expensive to take care of just one single cat. He was just thinking more on the practical side, no matter how much those big green eyes begged him. Felix was talking about the cat, not Ashe.

"I was thinking we could keep him until someone else adopts him. Me and Caspar found this guy in a box on the sidewalk, and you know Caspar really wanted to take the cat with him, but his landlord doesn’t allow pets so..." Ashe stared at the cat that was currently laying down on the couch. "Here he is."

"Hm. That's fine with me," Felix said as he petted the cat. It could use a bath; it was kind of stinky.

* * *

They ended up keeping the cat. 

Of course, Felix and Ashe tried to have someone else take him in at first- asked their friends, hung up a few posters, Ashe even asked a few strangers, but no one turned up; and the more time passed on they just decided to keep it in the end. Felix was certain this was against their apartment rules, but days ago he saw someone with a snake in their apartment floor. If that person is still living in peace with a snake, then a cat can surely be allowed.

The cat's name is Oreo now. Felix did not want to name the cat Oreo, but it was decided in a rock-paper-scissor match that he lost against Ashe. But in hindsight, the cat's name did not matter to him- he had a different name for this cat: bastard.

It seemed like this cat was out to get Felix, or to make him as unproductive as possible. All Oreo did was just sleep in his bed, refuse to move from things he needed like his backpack (but it was a great excuse to skip class "sorry professor my cat is an asshole and won't let me get my assignment out of my bag"), knock over everything he loved-- the list was endless. 

"Don't kiss me," Felix gently pushed Ashe away from him.

"Why? Is something wrong?" Ashe asked him with concern. It was sweet. It almost made Felix feel bad for being so petty. 

"...I saw you kiss that bastard earlier."

"Felix...it's a cat," Ashe deadpanned. 

Yes he's petty. Yes he's petty over a cat. Stupid bastard. 

* * *

Oreo was happily snuggled up against Ashe. 

Felix just did not understand, what was he doing wrong. That bastard cat loved Ashe, but as soon as Felix approached him it would hiss at him. Felix tried everything- toys, love and affection, treats. But the cat has its own mind and didn't care.

Felix stared at the two of them. Is it because of their eyes. They're both green. Should Felix buy some green contacts? ...No, that's ridiculous. 

"Stinky," Felix pointed to Oreo.

"No? I just gave him a bath yesterday," Ashe replied to Felix’s statement. 

Felix continued "Stinky bastard man."

"Felix stop."

"Naughty boy. Brat cat."

"Felix," Ashe whined. "Please stop calling Oreo that."

"He is just a bastard."

"He is a good boy!! Don't listen to him Oreo, Felix is just mean," Ashe scratched Oreo's ears and purred back in satisfaction. 

He almost scoffed. "I'm the mean one? This bastard knocked over my onions the other day!"

"That was just an accident, right Oreo. Look he's sorry for what he did," Ashe held up their cat. Felix did not see any sort of apology in the cat's face. It just looked bored. "I helped you clean up, so it's fine right? Felix don't tell me you're going to hold a grudge against a cat."

He was going to do that actually. "Of course not," Felix lied through his teeth. "But we bought those onions together. Would be a waste to throw them out before we ate them."

Ashe chuckled lightly. "I never thought you would get attached to all of these plants we bought weeks ago...that's cute," Ashe mused. 

"Shut up," Felix said as he watered Barb, the cactus. 

* * *

"Don't you dare."

But the cat didn't listen to Felix, and stared at him directly as it pushed off the pot with his paw into the ground. It shattered. There was dirt all over the floor.

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose. _ Fucker _. He took a deep breath in. Why must this cat do this to him. He looked Oreo straight in the eye, and that fucker knew well what crime he just committed. "Bastard. I spent $30 on that pot," Felix scolded the cat. 

* * *

Felix was not an art major, but here he was laminating a piece of paper. He used Sylvain as an excuse to be here so no one would talk to him or kick him out of this room. 

"Was the bastard fed today," Sylvain read out loud. Under those words were boxes of the weekdays, and a picture of a cat.

Felix did not respond to Sylvain and just kept trimming the paper.

"So, why is this cat a bastard?" Sylvain asked him with high curiosity.

Felix mumbled a few things but Sylvain didn't pick up on any of them. "Hm? Can you repeat that, didn't catch any of that at all."

"He's just a bastard."

...

"Felix," Ashe sounded disappointed when he saw what Felix hung up on their fridge.

"Well. Was he?" Felix asked him.

Ashe stayed quiet for a moment "...Yes."

Felix added a check mark to the Tuesday box. 

"Surely, we're not such awful owners that we need this," Ashe tried to reason.

"Just an extra precaution just in case," Felix argued back.

"You just want to call Oreo a bastard," Ashe accused him.

"Maybe."

* * *

As much of a bastard Oreo was, sometimes Oreo was nice to him. Sometimes

Felix was about to leave the apartment when Oreo started meowing loudly. Ashe already fed him, so Felix had no idea what the hell was wrong. He glanced back at the bastard, and he was tugging at a folder Felix needed to take to his lecture. He almost forgot about this since he was already running late.

"Maybe you're not that bad," Felix admitted. "You're my bastard."

* * *

Felix wouldn't exactly call himself a model student, but he wouldn't be half-assed to not pass his classes. He did not want to retake ENG 304, especially with the nightmare that the professor is. The sooner this semester ended, the better.

He's been working on this academic essay for hours. 

But now, a certain someone was not letting him work. At all. Oreo was all over him. Bastard cat really like their couch, which is where Felix often lounged to do homework when he actually felt like doing it. Oreo walked all over his keyboard, typing 'hywewoppytr' into his essay. It was a nice attempt, but it's not a word that would count in his word count. Felix thought Oreo was done being bratty, but then he just decided to stand in front of his computer screen.

"Hello?" He asked the cat, as if that would make him move. 

Oreo just stared at him, and meowed back. They stared at each other, unmoving. Felix did not think he'd be having a staring contest with a cat but here he was. Oreo made no attempt of moving. Felix tried to pick up bastard Oreo and move him away, but he just pushed Felix's hand away with his paw. 

"Fine. I didn't want to do this anyway." Felix just accepted the fact that he's not getting any work done anymore. He honestly would rather be fencing than doing school work.

Felix however, did not know what to do about the situation. He knew if he'd pick up Oreo he'd just hiss at him and Felix didn't particularly care for being scratched by a cat at this moment.

He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. College sucks. This bastard cat sucks too. 

He felt something heavy walking on his chest. Felix opened his eyes, and of course it was Oreo, deciding that his chest was the perfect place to lie down. 

"Seriously?" Felix just stared at the cat. But it did not move an inch. "Bastard," he said as he petted their cat. Oreo seemed to enjoy the attention Felix gave him. What a strange cat, only wanting affection on its own terms. 

Felix stopped petting the cat for the moment to move away his laptop to the table next to the couch but Oreo didn't like that idea. Oreo reached out his paw to stop Felix from reaching anything. 

Felix sighed. Maybe he could take a small break. 

...

"I’m home," Ashe called out to Felix, but he did not get a reply. 

However, he noticed a peculiar sight: Oreo and Felix in peace. They were sound asleep together, the cat curled up on Felix's chest, and Felix's hand gently on Oreo. 

"Cute..." Ashe took out his phone and took a picture of them. 


End file.
